CSI: Crazy Soapopera Investigators
by SavvyVee
Summary: This is what CSI would be like if it was a cross between a soap opera and a dirty movie. I know you want to read it.


CSI: Crazy Soap-opera Investigators

This is extreeeemly important: This is not a serious story. If you're dumb enough to think it is and review it saying "This is not like the show at all! Why would the characters behave like that?" then I have pity on you. Actually I don't and I wish you would just die so that you could not review my stories.

Disclaimer: I hereby declare the characters of this story that belong to others disclaimed.

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"Sara" stated Grissom as he eyed her luscious breasts. "You've been thrown off of the case of your life and also, I love you"

"Grissom" she stated, quite taken aback "I don't think I can ever forgive you"

"Nick" said Nick. "That is my name, and I am glad that I do not have amnesia and can remember who I am."

"Nick" hissed Catherine "I've been naked for 10 minutes, when are you going to show me the surprise that you promised me if I stripped for you?"

"Catherine" Greg managed to squeak out, his voice cracking "You're naked and might I add that my pants don't feel quite alright"

"Warrick?" questioned Sara "What the hell kind of a name is that anyway?"

"Sara" replied Warrick "It was the name of my father and his father before that and his father before that and 50 of his father's before that"

The entire lab fell silent in utter confusion.

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Sara and Nick were enjoying a friendly evening together. They had both decided that since they were both single and hot that they would obviously have to hook up by the end of the show. They were having drinks at Nick's place.

"Sara, I have something that I need to tell you" said Nick, a slight hint of panic in his stern voice.

"Oh Nick, what?" Sara said, sounding obviously distressed.

"I've been in love with you since I met you and I can't hold back my feelings anymore" he stated. "Will you marry me?" He got down on one knee and held open a ring box for her to ogle.

Sara did not move, she was very intent on staring at the ring, as shiny things amused her. She suddenly snapped back to reality and accepted his proposal. "Of course I will marry you, Nick" She slipped the ring onto her finger and then the two of them enjoyed a passionate kiss.

"Wait," said Sara as she stopped their make-out session, "Do you have protection?"

"We're only making out Sara" said Nick, confused "What would we need protection for?"

"Oh" said Sara, quite embarrassed "I thought this was what the kids call 'oral sex' and I heard that you should always use protection, even with oral sex"

"No, silly" laughed Nick "This isn't oral sex! This is just making out. Oral sex is if I were to kiss your vagina"

"Oh you mean I'm still a virgin then?" asked Sara

"Not for long!" said Nick and he stripped her of her clothes and began to do the nasty with her.

Afterwards, as she lit a cigarette, she turned to Nick for a confession that she had to make. "Nick, I think I'm pregnant"

"That's highly unlikely" he said "You said you were a virgin"

"I know, but this one time I took a trip to the hospital because I thought I had meningitis and long story short, I think they might have artificially inseminated me"

"Oh well that's quite the pickle that you're in, isn't it?" he said.

"Yeah, but I guess now that we're getting married it won't be so bad that I'm pregnant" she deduced

"Yes, that's a good thing" said Nick, a la Martha.

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"Warrick, you know you're a very attractive man" commented Greg.

"Thank-you Greg-orgy" said Warrick.

"Did you just call me Greg-orgy?" inquired Greg-orgy.

"Oh. I meant…umm…I have orgies on the brain" confessed Warrick

"That's O.K." Greg assured him "So do I, more so than anything else"

"Suspicious." stated Warrick

"Yes. Indeed." Said Greg suspiciously.

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"Catherine, you are so old," stated Grissom while he was having sex with her in his office.

"I beg your pardon?" Catherine said as she immediately stopped in the act and began redressing.

"I mean, look at you!" said Grissom "Your skin is like falling off of your body and earlier today I mistook your breasts for your knees"

"That's impossible. I've had so much surgery that I'll look 20 until the day I die," said Catherine.

With that she stormed out of the office and went to the DNA lab, where she found an orgy going on with Greg, Warrick and random others.

"This is most unsanitary," she stated.

"I know" replied Greg "Your breasts shouldn't be dragging on the ground like that…who knows what's crawling on this floor"

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A/N: Yeah that's it. It's pretty dumb, but whatever, it kept me occupied through my accounting classes. Review if you think it's necessary.


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